Thursday, 24 May 2007

4 Long Years

The story that is....
The complete version. Still don't have an ending!

"She called him today. What a rush it was! No matter how angry she was, his voice just didn't let her express the animosity in her emotions. He was her man. The perfect man. Or so she convinced herself. For almost 4 years. That's how long she knew him. 4 long years. This phone call was not appreciated by her loving friends. So it was done in secrecy. But it didn't remain thus for long. Her lips swollen with smiles, were the first give away. Her cheeks extra pink, summer wasn't just the reason anymore. Friends weren't so angry anymore. Maybe they saw joy on her face after so long. Yes it had been long since she had smiled, smiled whole heartedly.

The call was made without a second thought in her head, but the reason still remained under cover. Why did she call him?? Why would she? Does she still feel for him like she used to? No. Those feelings had passed. Forcefully discarded. As he doesn't/didn't feel the same. After all the "walk-outs" she had gone through, his wouldn't make a difference. If he doesn't feel for her now, it wouldn't make any difference. Yes. She thought so. She blocked the truth-which is, she will break down if he walks away from her. Another man, who doesn't remotely feel anything for this girl, will walk out of her life. Big deal. It has happened before. But if it happens with him, with him, of all the men((and women)), with him, she will break down. Everyone knew it. And everyone tried to convince her to let him go. She had slowly began the process. But this call changed it all. But the emotions were weaker now, not as strong as before. She had seen life, to an extent, so she taught herself to be CAREFUL. Finally. She had to be careful, for her sake. His voice was still soothing. Still made her feel protected. His humour still made her laugh. Even though she was disappointed in him, angry, she was calm.

He was still the man of her dreams. But she decided to let him pursue her. This, time when he meets her, she decided to be a friend, and let him fall for her. It was a safe plan. Being selfish pays off sometimes. If he's not interested, she doesn't lose anything. She will walk away stronger. Less drained of efforts. And with sweet memories.

My oh my, how she lied to herself! The meeting is 2 months away. Her emotions are raging now.
She just wasted her time with these unnecessary plans. It was merely, a distraction. A distraction from the truth. Her days will be filled with his thoughts until she lays her eyes on him. Until then these fake plans will keep her company."

"If it wasn't the oceans,
wasn't the breezes,
wasn't the white sands,
I might not be needed,

If I could sleep through the coal mines,
If I could breathe through hatred,
If I could, work through the summer,
then I wouldn’t feel so humble,

oh you, it's always you,
it's always you.

If red roses weren't so lovely,
Wine didn't taste so good,
Stars weren't so romantic,
Then I could do what I should

Oh you, it's always you
It's always you.
Oh you, it's always you
It's always you

If you love, I could command it,
Get your head, to understand it,
I'd go twice, around the world,
Even though, I may not find it.

Oh you, it's always you,
It's always you.
You, it's always you,
It's always you." ((Sophie Zelmani's song ))

" She hummed..."

* * *

"It had been two days since that phone call. Two whole days. Her every whisper was his name. Every plan she made in the month he would land here, involved him somehow. She imagined running into him on the street. She imagined him in her room. She imagined his kiss. It had been almost two years since she had kissed his lips. The memory was fresh, yet a little blurry. She couldn't remember the kiss, how it happened. But she remembered, clearly, how she felt. That moment was like a few minutes of heaven. His hands, his lips, his kiss made her feel like the only woman in the world. The feeling was something close to complete. But she ruined it, and left. Not with harsh feelings, she left only because she had a class to attend. And regretted the move till today. If only she had stayed, maybe he could've felt something for her. Maybe. It was a very small possibility. But it was worth the risk.

The friendship had began unusually. And it was the most sincere. She was sure it would last forever. The naivety.
She had never thought she could match up to the women in his life. She still thought so. The other woman's name was mentioned in that conversation. And that she would be here too. The same woman he spent everyday with, for almost a month. Mostly in each other's arms. The same woman he had been in love with. Sera. Sera, the woman she envied. The only woman he ever mentioned to her. And with so much emotion, that it broke her heart.

Life was taking new turns, without him, and she would've met Sera without the knowledge that, she was his Sera. Now that she had found out, she was reconsidering the new job. What if Sera is still the queen of his heart? What if she doesn't match Sera, in his eyes? It was a new battle she had to fight now. A new battle with herself. "

* * *

“So. It had finally been almost a month since that fateful conversation. She had almost forgotten him. But, the mind plays tricks sometimes. Suddenly her thoughts were consumed by him. Another reason was, of course, the dreaded meeting with Sera.

Sera, was perfect. perfect in all ways for him. She was attractive, intelligent, humourous. Not that she wasn't. but after all Sera was the one he was in love with, not her. So it made things harder for her. She made sure both of them didn't know she attended that interview. The job she didn't get, but the job's interview had let her meet this girl. Things got worse for her, because she actually liked this girl. The girl she had envied, had somehow captured her senses. She couldn't help liking her. And finally understood why he did ((and still does)) light up every time anyone mentioned Sera.

Now, as the days close in, months end, she is nervous. What if he doesn't call her, like the last time?? If he does, will he meet her?? And if he does meet her, will he like her??? For what she has become. Life has left a few scars on her. Will he like what he sees?? Will he ever be able to love her like she does??

Yes. She had lost the intensity of the feelings for him. But feelings did exist. Yes. She had decided to take things as they come. But nervousness had taken over. She wants him to want her. She wants to be his and him to be hers.

But the wait isn't over yet. May is almost here, but the wait isn't over yet. She spends her days in his thoughts and dreaming of being in his arms, safe and sound. She tries losing herself in the million day to day routines, but it seems impossible to stop thinking of him. Of being his.

The wait will be over in a few more days. But at the end of that journey lies another longer one. The wait for him to be hers. For she is already his. He just doesn't know it yet. And she sits, by herself and prepares for the journey of a lifetime. And I watch her, hoping she'll change her mind when she meets him and refuse to put herself through that painful journey. Hoping he'll love her back and spare her the misery of the journey she has prepared herself for. Hope is all I can do. And so does she.”

1 comment:

alice said...

:D nice ba. full sweet it is.