Friday, 28 September 2007

Word-less days

Yesterday was a boring day. Nothing seems to fill up this void.

I hate being still, there has to be some form of thought or activity happening with me.
I keep telling myself that next month, I will go and enroll myself into the all famous Salsa classes, and I will religiously dance! But that next month hasn't come around the corner. I think I will wait until they add the 13th month-Next Month. ((nods proudly))

Then I tell myself "No! First I have to read those books that are dying in my shelf!", and on some good days I go home and actually read. Then it gradually slows down and back to square one! I'm not lazy, let me make that clear. Its just I don't have that mind set at the moment to read. When you read, those words, those emotions should become a part of you, otherwise its just bad reading. And I'm not one of those! I still remember Enid Blyton's books, I remember the story and the vivid pictures my mind had formed, I can still hear her words in my head. That is good reading! When you can never forget, even if you forget the names of the characters, and the chapter wise explanations, you will always remember the pictures you formed.

So, these are 2 plans that have completely failed! Disgrace!

When the world you come to know falls apart, you try to rebuild it, first from your individual self. Then with the people around. And I am trying to control, manipulate this tiny little heart of mine. And the above 2 disastrous ideas are a way to distract myself! But its not working so, I'm left with counseling myself into better days.

And blogging!

And a thousand attempts a day to form a perfect blend to let you, the reader, and me, the writer, FEEL the story in my words. Form pictures, imagine the colours of my days and nights. The same words that define me and everything I feel, but words don't come easily. And my endeavour in writing helps me in filling the voids. But its hard when the words can't explain. Writing has become hard, expression has become hard. Every word counts and my words fail me!


So everyday is another burden. *sigh*

Poetry for Thought

Title: 'If only you were'

"If my arms could reach out to you,
I'd never have to wait to be with you.
If we weren't strangers,
We would melodically combine.
If you knew that I am torn,
You could understand why I need comfort.

If I was there, and you were near,
We would remain in love.
If you were real, you would hold me,
And whisper "I love you. Its all going to be alright."
As if to declare that
Love is all we need.

I would wait for eternity,
To nestle into your arms.
To feel no pain, to feel like this is
the moment I can die happy, for I am loved by you.
If only we weren't strangers,
If only you were real."

-28th September 2007

Tip: Distraction is good...when there is something to be distracted with.

Yesterday was a boring day. Usual traffic and empytiness.
I finally decied that it was time to go home, sat myself comfortably in a autoickshaw, and watched the world go by.
As I waited for the red to go green at the signal, a little girl came up to me, with those colourful & cheap earbuds. Atleast they aren't begging and selling things that shouldn't be sold.
I smiled and nodded to her, indicating that I did not want to buy.

She didn't tug at my leg, she didn't go on whining, like most others, she just lay her fragile head on the seat, with her hand held out with a packet of earbuds. She didn't do anything but that, just stayed there. I couldn't help but smile, and pulled out a nice shiny 5 Rupee coin and touched her head to get her attention. She looked up, took the money from my hand and handed out the packet to me, I still nodded and said no, while gesturing that she should keep the money. She frowned at me, and forced me for 2 seconds, then just out of anger and pride threw it on my lap and walked away. A few mins of joy at that signal, and I couldn't help cry and smile at the same time.

Patience is a virtue.

Tip: Next time you want something, just stay there and fight until you get it. It isn't hard.

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

blue angel


Silver slippers in hand,
Her feet bare,
Hair tangled,
And her heart in her head.

She smiles, tears overflow,
Dreamy skies swirl in the air,
Dark stars twinkle,
Her blue dress dancing with the wind.

Her weary eyes made to mesmerize,
Her soft, pink lips to kiss,
Her graceful body to enslave,
Her delicate skin, pale white.

"Blue angel," they call her,
Her tears saved the sea,
Her love saved the world,
And her purity inspires.

((Following is by kold koffee. click on her blog while you are here "Cropped and Frozen".
Thank you darling for completing it.. i love it....)) :*

'blue angel' they call her
she lies on the slippery white sand
staring at the bright night sky
wishing on the stars above.

she is a happy soul when
her grey cells flex and stretch
she is happier when her thoughts translate on paper
and happiest when they are, as is.

u are a breath of fresh air!
- Kold Koffee

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

You & Me

Hey you,

Do you sleep anymore? Can you?
I can't..

Sleepless nights, with dreams of you and colourless skies.

I danced in the rain last night, I wish you were there, to see how the sky laughed at my lack of rhythm! I slow danced with a hundred drops at a time, and kissed the sky goodbye, and stumbled into sleep.

I miss your hugs and our synchronised cravings for a cigarette...

I miss that you don't dry my wet hair after a bath..

I wish you would just lie beside me,
while I nest my head into your body and fall asleep for eternity.
While you wispher an anecdote or two,
and I can smile in my sleep and fall even more in love with you.

I wish you could see the night sky from my window.
Its purple sometimes.. your favourite colour.

Love,
Me

Monday, 24 September 2007

Lisa Love

"Does she breath?
I feel her breath on my skin,
Am I dreaming??
Lisa, she's gone,
A fire that was red, is blue,
The sky that was blue is red.
A soul of such passion and grace is gone,
I can feel her breath on my skin,
Her lavender scent is still fresh."

These are the moments that define us, when all hope seems to have disappeared, and nothing but emptiness remains. These moments test us, our endurity, our faith.
When death conquers our world, we see everything from under the blanket of sorrow.
This Sorrow wraps us in her warm, comforting arms, and never lets us go.

Death has won over Lisa. She will never see the sky again, or the bright moon.

Sorrow will slowly vanish, and only be virtual. But the sorrow from caused by Death, will never leave. Every day, every hour, it will haunt you. Every scent, every colour will search your mind for a memory, which can never be again. A memory which can never be tangible again. Even memories of happiness will never make you laugh with joy again, but only smile in sorrow.

"Lisa love, you are gone now,
And every moment is harder than the before."

And then, years will go by, sometimes with clousure, sometimes not.
Yet, the sorrow will stay. Maybe over the years we will cherish the memories, and convince ourselves that the deceased would want you to be happy.

And we forget and forgive (Maybe), and smile with the wind and dance in the rain.

And wait, wait to be with her again.

"Sorrow consumes me, my love,
But the thought of you comforts my soul.
I can always have your near,
Always love you, even after the graves disappear.
Maybe I can't see you my love,
But the memories keep you alive.
It won't be long, my blue eyed Lisa,
I will be closer, and lose myself all over again in your eyes."

"Days go by and still I think about you...."

((23rd September 2007))

Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Poetry For Thought

Cascade No 3

I dream of colours,
Black, blue and yellow,
Of love, hope and life.

Black love surges through,
Suffocating the life in me, yet,
I dream of colours.

Tears stream down,
Staining my skin in
Black, blue and yellow.

Dreams end and begin,
And bring the spirit
Of love, hope and life.

-19 September 2007

The above form of poetry is called "Cascade". I have been trying my luck with this style, yet to master it.

As you can notice, the first paragraph is the spine of the poem. As a rule, the 1st line must be the last line of the 2nd paragraph, 2nd line as the last line of the 3rd paragraph and the 3rd line as the last line of the 4th paragraph. The number of paragraphs solely depend on the number of lines in the 1st paragraph.

Monday, 17 September 2007

Poetry For Thought

Destined Dreams

Souls collide, into me,
Dreams survive, and try to breathe.
Words seem to form an escape,
Today, words fail me, fail to be my journey.
A cascade of emotions I feel,
No reason or rhyme makes it unreal.
I can never be Shakespeare, but I try as hard,
For these words to explain, the hurt and pain.
Maybe you'll never see, me,
My joy, hurt and the tears.
I may sound like a child,
Immature and unreasonable
But I don't care, for you are not perfect too,
For you have the thoughts of a mere worm, on the floor of the pond.
I have survived, and watched things fall apart,
I have walked, cried, died alone.
I never wanted you to be in that world,
Its lonely, its dark and its violent.
I tried, my love, to keep you safe,
Maybe I had no right, maybe its easier to learn on your own.
I let go, so that you can fall, crawl and then stand,
But you let go too..its all over now.
But its the thought that counts,
I cared, and I made it clear.
You said you cared,
But I question the existence of that very emotion in your soul.
Love? Do you? Do you know its meaning?
Nay! Nay! Thy soul know'st not of such deep emotion.
So you ask, if I do? Maybe not, maybe I do,
But, I love and always will, and someday reach its perfection.
You have never known its meaning,
Its hate and love at the same time.
You will learn of it, some day,
And it will remind of things unsaid, and thoughts erased.
Destiny, is what it is,
It will creep up on you.....

-17th September 2007

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Strawberries


There were never strawberries
like the ones we had
that sultry afternoonsitting on the step
of the open french windowfacing each other
your knees held in mine
the blue plates in our laps
the strawberries glistening
in the hot sunlight
we dipped them in sugar
looking at each other
not hurrying the feast
for one to come
the empty plates laid on the stone together
with the two forks crossed
and I bent towards you


sweet in that air
in my arms
abandoned like a child
from your eager mouth
the taste of strawberries
in my memory
lean back again
let me love you
let the sun beaton our forgetfulness
one hour of all
the heat intense
and summer lightning
on the Kilpatrick hills
let the storm wash the plates

-by Edwin Morgan

Friday, 7 September 2007

"Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end......."

Truth?
Or is it coincidence?

When we do analyze each mishap in your life, it does seem true, doesn't it?
Like when your cat died, or your best friend's famiy suddenly decided that he/she have to change schools......all good things come to an end. The new pet will never make you feel like the cat that died, and new friends will never make up for the best friend who you called your sibling.

Yes, optimism, newer better things happen in life, but all good things come to an end.
I guess its better to live life that way, when you can be prepared for it to end. Else heart break will haunt us for the rest of our lives.

When I review what I've just written..hmm....it doesn't make sense....but so does life...!! Atleast at the very moment, I'd rather be a vegetable...

"O God, I have an ill-divining soul!
Methinks I see thee, now thou art so low,
As one dead in the bottom of a tomb.
Either my eyesight fails, or thou lookest pale." Romeo & Juliet, Will Shakeapeare

I feel like someone or something is haunting my very soul.....
Lonesome dreams...
And September is here...to add to all the noise and misery in my life...
I hate September...fills my mind with nightmares...dreams of sad happenings...which usually come true..

"Wake me up when September ends..."

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Tears


There are some people who just have the right words for unexplicable feelings.

And some others who can't seem to make up their mind.

Some others who seem to make you cy.

Some others who can't seem to wipe that smirk off your face.

Some more, who just sit there, and watch you, watch them...



"She cries. Neverending tears. Sobs in between. Tries to see through the haze. Yet, its so unclear and.....and.....its getting harder and harder to see."


Poetry is having a stop/start flow to it.


"She dreams, dreams of days unseen, and days already lived."


Why can't you see what I see?! Why does it have to be this hard?!


"She breathes, her bosom heavy with fear, hatred, love, joy, words and lies....and unseen hurt.... The blue sky breaks into a dreamy sea of black. And the blue moon is all that remains. The blue moon dreams, are all that remain."


Its all over isn't it?! Such a shame don't you think?


"She can't live...she can't die.............and everyday, the mirrior cracks.....slowly it'll shatter too....yet she holds on......"


Just let go love... let go..........


"She will soon...like the phoenix, she will arise from the dead..."

Saturday, 1 September 2007

Without You




Discovering really nice bands on the internet.

BADFINGER.
They are the ones who originally perfomed the song "I can't live if living is without you", covered by Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston. That heart wrenching song...

Badfinger called it "Without you".


BADFINGER - Without you

Well, I can't forget this evening

And your face when you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes, it shows


Well, I can't forget tomorrow

When I think of all my sorrowI had you there, but then I let you go

And now it's only fair that I should let you know

What you should know


CHORUS:

I can't live, if living is without youI can't live, I can't give anymore

I can't live, if living is without youI can't live, I can't give anymore

Well, I can't forget this eveningAnd your face when you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes, it shows


[guitar solo]


CHORUS 3 times


I can't live, if living is without you.


The song is truly heart wrenching.....soft, warm tears on my right cheek.....