Monday, 22 December 2008

3ww: Hesitate, Jealous, Neglect

come closer, i need to whisper,
come on, don't be shy,
don't hesitate.

there's a blue sky above,
the wind cools our senses.
its kisses and caresses our little world,
yes, we are little..all of us.

we neglect necessity,
we fight, we love, we care, we don't,
we think we are better,
we think we are greater.
but we are little, and these are unnecessary emotions.
too many sordid deeds have been committed,
too many tears shed. enough is enough.

and someday we will be jealous,
you will be jealous, i will be jealous,
of the world we imagined,
of an imaginary community,
of an imaginary life.
mark my words,
we will be left with imagination and we will be jealous,
of not having it in reality.
it is meant to happen..

Prompted by 3ww

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

3ww: Blush, Quiver, Tenderness

"we fade, we form.
our eyes meet, my soul trembles.
our lips meet, my eyes scream.
your tenderness keeps me wanting more.
my hands shake and quiver.
my heart skips a beat.
i breathe, i breathe you into me.
keep me there a little longer.
i wish i was there a lifetime longer.
kiss me again, let me in again, let me breathe you in again."

this is all a dream...i wake up..i breathe..i blush..
i fall back into my bed...wishing i'd go back there..
i breathe, i blush..

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

sunday scribblings: stranger

Come one pm and he walks into the café. Today, she arrived before him; usually he is sitting and watching the afternoon fly by. Both of them had the same look on their faces. Both faces tired and sad, looking out into the empty streets and silence raged between them. They were always silent with each other, talking was kept to a minimal. Maybe they spoke of their work; maybe of things they did, holidays they took or people they met. But mostly they were silent. He smiled at me today. Maybe the daily dose of my face being the only one at the café was the cause for that smile. His eyes shimmered a happy look when he smiled at me, while she stood outside with her cigarette. Maybe she was waiting for him. But I had seen both of them alone on many occasions, so maybe she wasn’t waiting for him (I am very unsure). I watched her take a few long, hard puffs off her cigarette, while she stood outside, before he came. She is beautiful, her sadness is captivating. I wonder though, if its sadness I see or weariness. Sometimes tired eyes can fake sadness. Both their worlds merge in the afternoons they spend in silence, or sometimes words or sometimes laughs. They merge, their souls merge. It is a beautiful sight, a glimpse into 2 strangers' lives.

http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/2008/11/137-stranger.html

BORED

i am horribly bored.

bored

bored

bored

the worse part about being bored is that there's no mood to do anything else. book is interesting, i can't read past a paragraph. i am bored. horribly, terribly bored.

hope you are well, and NOT bored!

Thursday, 6 November 2008

update


updates have been slow. considering i am in detention at office, opening any blog page seems an utter waste.

i learnt a new game in time i was away, thanks to ben and aj for teaching us and smita for taking me along.
name of game: unknown, however, ben and aj call it 5, 10, 15, 20. which is literally the whole game in the name. fun times.

i was a s*'s "little lamb" for yesterday. thanks to lu, we now know a place where smoking is as legal as it can be. thanks lu.

its all a stand still.
the longest pause on a song you have never heard, eager to hear, but it has been paused.
pause, pause, pause...

musically torn,
mentally drained,
physically useless,
i have successfully lost myself in all the mess.

my room is no more my life. this new room doesn't console or council me anymore.
sleepless, sleepless and disturbed.

but, if you ask me what's wrong, i can't give you an answer.
i just can't. there is nothing monumentally going wrong in my life at all.
nothing is happening.

maybe that's the problem.

dreams surface, soar and die in minutes.

"....this too shall pass..", hopefully.

thanks to all the people who are still around. thanks for laughing, talking, being silent, dancing, drinking, smiling :)

these are the people who have kept me going, in their own little ways. thank you for that :)

Monday, 13 October 2008

Rudyard Kipling

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Thursday, 9 October 2008

its been a while

life stands still,
lights go by slowly,
the wind rushes through my hair,
tears seep through my skin.
faces tear me apart,
no smiles to smile,
no words to speak,
its all a blur.
stuck like an old record,
not moving,
just stuck,
time stops.

tick. tick. ti

it all stops..

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Monday, 29 September 2008

Everything is passing me by, like speeding bullets that I wish would hit me. Atleast then there would have been an event to look forward to. If not, atleast an eventful end to the slow, routinal life.

Sleep was never so necessary.
Laziness was never such a possibility.

Friday, 19 September 2008

Sunday Scribblings: Invitation

Join us

her eyes met mine,
glimmering sadness echoed.
she sipped her coffee,
and slipped away slowly.
i was searching for a sign,
a sign that would assure me her smile.
she seemed too far to return,
too sad to speak.
time ticked by, slowly,
the wind gushed through her hair.
silence had become a part of the conversation,
her eyes were broken like her heart.
lost love, lost life,
my thoughts merged with hers.
as we rose to leave,
she held out her hand.
like an invitation into her world,
i put my hand in hers and invited her to mine.
we walked away into a routinal life,
with hopes of undoing this pain.
we are hopeful still,
join us..

-me

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

will's words

here

music

shar bear included me in her new blog, Treble Notes, i am truly honoured i must say :)
thanku shar bear!

the blog is about music, that's the simple explanation.
shar has a very nice way of putting forth the concept:
"I have a new blog!!
I realized that i was writing more and more about songs that i liked on this blog. And its enough to make another blog about exclusively. That one i will update weekly most probably. Pop by and check it out! I promise it'll be worth it and you may find some pretty good music!
The link is www.pridenoprejudice.blogspot.com"

drop by and you can find atleast one song to suit your ears :)

Thursday, 28 August 2008

day of randomness

"tangled dreams,
submerged souls,
kissing rains and soaring skies."

its been raining a lot lately. lullaby for my ears while i begin the night.
she puts me to sleep, keeps me awake.

purple haze, green haze, yellow haze,
colours everywhere. confusion too.

inks of colours,
inks of dreams,
inks of kisses,
inks of love,
inks of music.

colours. colours. colours.
music. music. music.
rain. rain. rain.

i emerge and submerge,
we drown and survive,
swim towards the sky,
dance to the rain.

fishes talk,
leaves sing,
walls become friends.

tears. tears. tears...
my soul cries and wails.

words don't find a medium today,
yesterday, maybe even tomorrow.

untangle me....

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

songs that take you back in time

Sail Away-David Gray

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times Ive tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Ive been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Sunday Scribblings: Do I have to?

do i have to be here?
do i have to be alone?
of course not, i could choose otherwise. we would all choose otherwise.
and that's what i try to do everyday, to choose otherwise.

do i have to call her?
do i have to call him?

not really, but i do. because i choose otherwise.

i made a fool of myself the other day, do i have to be upset? :) i was for sometime, now it really doesn't matter.

do i have to kiss you?
do i have to love you?
do i have to miss you?
do i have to want you, need you?

of course i do..

Jean-Luc Godard - "To be or not to be. That's not really a question."


Saturday, 26 July 2008

Sunday Scibblings: Solace

"To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry,
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do", Snow Patrol, Run
----------------------------
need closure, need solace.
need you to be near,
need us to be.

what is it that holds us together?
come into my arms,
maybe this would be that solace you seek.
and maybe i'll be one with your soul,
for mine is weak.
-----------------------------------------
i need your strength,
i need your hope,
i need your happiness,
sprinkle some of those on me.
--------------------------------------------------------
console me,
look at me and say it will all be fine
make me feel safe,
kiss me and tell me that you will be back.

these are just words,
you are gone.
never to return.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, 25 July 2008

moving and the rain affair

i woke up to the most beautiful weather that bangalore can offer.
its the monsoons again, and i am loving it!

i woke up to the pitter patter of rain and realized that i love my room too much. i have spent a good 8 years of my life here, the part which i actually remember. new new things in the room since the first year, but the room has been my shrine.

the view is absolutely amazing and i could have night or day by just moving the curtains. however, i did loose that advantage a year or so ago, due to termite (or they could have been aliens) attack (and my rage that those b*&%#@$s were there; so i broke the wood thingy holding the curtain and left it in my back yard). these termites made a noise, a really loud noise that kept me awake on most nights, so that explains the rage.

it is so sad that i will be moving, i will miss my shrine. my room.

rain is the best weather in the world. makes me exceptionally happy. and content. and dreamy. and in love. most of all in love with that sound, that feeling of drops on my skin. just in love with the rain.

however, i would like to be outside, wasting time, dreaming and smiling to myself instead of being at work. but that, like you can see, has not happened yet. i am at work, typing into my blog (which is also better than work, so i am smiling).

i don't want to move. i mean i want to have my own place and all, of course i do. but if i ever go to visit family i want it to be this house, not the one i have to move to now.

i have had my secret affairs with the rain in this house, when all were asleep. i will miss sneaking up to the terrace and stealing a few dances and kisses from the sky.

how i wish time would stop; not go back, but just stop. i wouldn't mind typing this over and over again.

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Sunday Scibblings: VISION

There she lay, on the cold floor, with her eyes torn. Her body screamed a silent sigh.
Her lips chapped from the dehydration of crying for 2 days.
Her eyes gazed outside the window, a stare that could shake the demons of hell. Her body barely moved, except the practiced breathing.

I stayed by her side, through the grieving. I did not know how to console her soul, I just stayed there; nearby, if ever she needed me or a listening ear.

She began sobbing again, she didn't have the energy to cry. But the dreaded sadness wouldn't allow silence, tears streamed down. I ran my fingers thought her hair, trying to calm her down. It didn't work, it never did. But this time she pulled my hand close to her heart, held it with all her might and sobbed.

We stayed there like that for hours, when finally she fell asleep. I couldn't bear to wake her with the movement of my hand. I lay there beside her, stroking her hair, eventually falling asleep.

We were woken up by a loud sound from outside. We saw the most beautiful sight outside the window, the whole sky was lit up in colours that we see in our dreams. The stars played along and sparkled; like a smiling child.
A vision that is hard to describe, but even harder to forget.

Purple skies all around, blanketing our lost and drained souls. She smiled, she smiled a smile that was priceless. A smile that you would form when you see your child for the first time, a smile that would make any bitter man joyous.

Suddenly it disappeared, the sky was black again, yet it seemed so fresh and enthralling.
She looked into my eyes, pulled me closer and whispered "That was my baby. She coloured the sky, she wants me to smile for her. She's happy. She's happy.."

My darling friend is now happy and recalls this day, this vision every time her heart sinks an inch.

note

do you notice when people don't say mom or dad in their sentences?
and just say him or her..its hard to notice it, because we assume they have said it in the beginning of their sentence or are just answering your question.

just a thought..
notice it, it usually means something.

Monday, 30 June 2008

thoughts

it burns,
it scars,
it loves,
it hurts,
it screams,
i dream,
lets merge,
be one,
talk to me again,
and i'll soar,
be real again,
and i'll smile,
be real again,
exist,
feels like forever since you left,
agony without you,
when will you return?
when will i smile?
when will i soar?
when will you return???

Saturday, 28 June 2008

Here and There

i just felt like i needed another blog, to write more..with different colours..
so click here if you feel like reading.


also planning to start following the sunday scribble as well..

new beginnings... :)

"start something new"

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Poetry For Thought

Title: ((untitled))

Slow, the air seeps through my window,
Urging me to stay, stay in that moment,
I try to fall into Sandman's ruse,
Trying to keep in mind that I will be awake the next day.
I don't want to wake,
The slumber seems much more comforting,
The dark sleepy haze feels warm,
Slow, its all so slow and united.
She calls, to wake me,
Her electronic voice tries to force my eyes open,
"20 more minutes," I crackle,
She hangs up, I fall back into my darkness.
Dreaming of better days, of life,
Of you, of me, of us, of them,
Of never waking up,
She calls again, I am forced to open my eyes.
I hang up, I am awake,
I am back to the real world now,
The emptiness has deepened,
Everyday it climbs up, higher.
My eyes are heavy,
Heavy and filled with tears,
I cried, I woke up and cried,
I feel like a child, I need to grow up.
I woke up and cried,
Cried for you, me and them,
Every part of me screamed and wailed,
But the sound disappeared into the emptiness.
The sound disappeared into the emptiness,
I will remain searching,
And we will all remain in between,
The stakes will be raised, its going to get harder.

But some things and some people will stay longer,
She will call every morning,
The one thing I look forward to, her electronic voice forcing me to wake,
Even though, someday she'll be gone too..

~25th June 2008
12:53pm

Do we want to grow up??

Thursday, 19 June 2008

feels like a part of me is dying,
the whole of me is fading.
the wind, silently brushes past me,
watching me, watching my soul disappear.
she holds my hand, he smiles at me,
yet, it feels like a part of me is dying.

feels like a part of me is dying,
the whole of me is fading..

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

I wonder what goes through people's minds who are going to kill themselves in the next few minutes; other than the obvious want and need to die and of death finally surrounding their souls.

What happens to the clothes, the room they called home on most days?
Do they worry about the secrets, that locked drawer or cupboard could reveal?
Or do they plan it so carefully that these are carefully disposed and forgotten?

The sheets on the bed, the books, pens, the dust in the room.
What will happen to the room? Will it be kept intact in memory of the dead, dust filled, empty room? Or used, changed and manipulated to suit the needs of the time?

Do they wonder? Do they think of all the things they would miss after that breathe has passed? Do they feel the pain of their loved ones in those last few moments?

What goes on?

"Do they regret the decision in afterlife?" (Alice)

What really goes on behind all that jazz, during the moments of dying....??

For all those who have left, may you rest in peace...hope that your world is much better than the ones we are surrounded by.

Saturday, 14 June 2008

The times have changed and the moments have passed.
Do you care anymore? Or have i pushed the envelope too far?

Lonely and worried.
Suffering yet comfortable.
Confusion...emotional confusion.
Unstable...

Where is everyone?
Where are you??

Lonesome dreams, weary dreams, blurry images and I can't go on............

Friday, 13 June 2008

Blog Tag Game 2

3 Joys:
~of being in the rain, near the rain, hearing the rain, dreaming the rain, just RAIN
~falling asleep, peacefully, in a comfortable bed
~laughter and tears of a relationship, any kind
adding one more: meeting strange and new and interesting people, with the same intension of the before said.

3 Fears:
~COCKROACHES and other ikkcy worms
~nightmares that could possibly come true
~losing control

3 Goals:
~writing a book, someday
~"travel the world and live more simply", Dido, sand in my shoes
~own a successful business which would also give back to the world somehow, packed with a comfortable, simple and worry free lifestyle

3 Current Obsessions/Collections
~Getting everything organized, EVERYTHING
~Time and money Management
~Phone, my new phone :)

3 Random Surprising Facts:
~I have no social life
~My bro is very good at reading minds and going through my stuff
~some people are cute and some people are irritatingly cute

Tagging: Romal, Sarah Q, Disco, him, manoj and shar for luck

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

The rain affair

Its raining storm here, in Bangalore!
Hail storm, droplets of solid ice; a sight to remember!

We stayed on the roof, until it started to pour, dragging and cherishing on the last taste of a rainless sky. I smiled, picked up some ice, tried taking a picture.

Its windy outside, raining like crazy, I can hear the ice slap against everything in its way. Its loud and soothing...Stormy weather is here to stay!

Phone calls are unattended, the lines are down. My cell phone keeps ringing.

All I can think of right now is how much I am in love, in love with the rain, any kind of rain.
Of how much this makes me happy and satisfied, of how much my body and soul craves for this, of how much this leaves me wanting more, wanting for much more!

This is the love affiar I will always have, always keep.
The rain and me will last forever. This love will never seize to exist.
The scent, the touch, the fever, will always seem like the first kiss.

The rain will always leave me wanting for more, waiting for more, dreaming for more and screaming for more!

Thank you Sky, thank you rain, for loving me and letting me love you!

Thousand Kisses and More,
ME

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Blog Tag Game 1

Last movie seen in a theatre:
hmmm..so the correct answer would be- Horton Hears a Who, really good movie! please watch

What book are you reading?
nothing at the moment! just finished almost single, nice one

Favourite board game:

hmmmm hmmmmmm chess i think...

Favourite magazine:

do blogs count??

Favourite smells:

petrol, books (old and new), new clothes, the rain, the seaside, the smell of food being cooked...a lot more


Favourite sound;
music, laughter, wind, rain, thunder and and and ...

Worst feeling in the world:

when you dont know something you are supposed to know, when you feel like you arent good enough and when people you care about leave...and there are sooo many more....

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?

Hmm..how late am i today?!

Favourite fast food place:
shanthi sagar


Future child’s name:

:P i think everyone knows the answer to this! :P five daugters and i
ahve four names...not telling them though, YOU might steal them from me!!

Finish this statement:
“If I had a lot of money I’d…”
have a lot of moneeeeeey

Do you drive fast?

of course, have you been on bangalore roads?!

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

No, i am allergic!

Do you eat the stems on broccoli?

brocco what?!

If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice
?
purple, i dream, i dream big

Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:

bangalore....hmm..bangalore...does goa and gokarna count?

Favourite sports to watch:

football!! the english football, not the stupid american version

One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:

she's funny

What’s under your bed?

the floor, truly indian, i dont have a cot!

Would you like to be born as yourself again?

ofcourse!

Morning person or night owl?

hmmmmmm...both..

Over easy or sunny side up?

is this supposed to be an omlete question?? then, i am vegetarian, and i dont eat eggs

Favourite place to relax:

my room (copied shar's answer!)

Favourite ice cream flavour:

anything but vanilla :P

You pass this tag to Romal, disco, sarah Q, him, manoj,
shar (for luck)

Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
nobody! no one reads my blog! anyway, i shall ask romal, disco and sarah to check. he is out of town, and manoj has a blog just to be cool.

"Ok so what you guys have to do is copy this tag game, paste, link the person who tagged you (me!) and choose five more people to tag and link them.
Go on, its not that difficult! You can do it! Fly forth my children! Fly forth!"

Saturday, 17 May 2008

cant speak

this is the only way i can say what i am thinking at the moment:

"I Can't Read You"-Daniel Bedingfield

I'm never shy but this is different
I can't explain the way I'm feeling tonight
I'm losing control of my heart
Tell me what can I do to make you happy
Nothing I ever say seems to come out right
I'm losing control of my heart

And I wish that I could be
Another better part of me
Can't hear what your thinking
Maybe if I just let go
you'd open up your heart

But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no
No no no no no

I like you so much I'm acting stupid
I can't play the game I'm all intense and alive
I'm losing control of my heart
I'm not supposed to be this nervous
I should play my hand all cool and calm
I can't breathe
I'm losing control of my heart

And I wish that I could see
The other better parts of me
Feel this fire I'm feeling
Then you'd see me in control
And baby then you'd know

But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

"To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do" Run, Snow Patrol

Thursday, 8 May 2008

Saturday, 3 May 2008

stop. record. its over. stop. play.

leaving

Title: Good bye

So long, farewell, dream on,
Never stop.
Remember me, miss me,
For I will, I will.
Hope you find your sky where you go,
Hope its blue and filled with your dreams
Send me a letter,
Send me some thoughts.
Kisses, embraces, seperation,
Days, minutes, all are etched safe in my memory.
Its all mine to keep,
And you can never take that away from me.
This is meant to be this way,
This is hard and easy at the same time.

I will miss you,
Take care of your heart.
-1:32pm
3/5/2008

Friday, 2 May 2008

nothing

nothing.

nothing.

nothing.

we will be free someday. free from our minds that captivate us, our thoughts that keep lurking.
we will be free from this world. we will soar and fly and dance through the nights that haunt us now.
we will be gone.
we will learn to be sad and happy and excited and silent. we will learn from all the mistakes and we will be one. someday. somehow.

we will learn the strength and the weakness. we will find that walking stick to help us walk during the days that we cannot move.

until then, this too shall pass my friend, my love. this too shall pass. and we will learn.

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Stay

"Stay..", I whisper, I crave.
My body and soul, sore from the pain and tears.

It agonizes the strength in me and makes me seep through into weakness. I am strong, we are all strong, but..on some days we need to be cradled in loving arms, like a child who had a fall.

"Stay..", is all I can manage to say. To feel and to think.
Yet they left...while I lay on the floor, in the river of my tears and the sky of my pain. They left. One by one, soul by soul. One more angered than the other. One more stupid than the other, one more helpless than the other.

"Stay..", I scream. The wind carresses and kisses and She's all I have for company. The tears don't stop, I am alone. WE are all alone.

"Stay..", I whisper, I crave.
Why can't it be as simple as that, just stay and we'll figure it all? We'll work towards the future and stay.

Stay with me...watch me fade or soar or die or live or or or...but..just stay..

Thursday, 24 April 2008

Its just another day,
Just another song.
Its just another way
That life comes along.

Saturday, 5 April 2008

mixed emotions

look at me.
i am still the same.
i still feel the same.
i deserve some respect for all that i have done. for that i have felt.
don't love me. don't hate me. respect.
gratitude. no need for you to say the words-thank you.
atleast seem like you have the gratitude.

i am not a bad person. i deserve a smile. a hello. a goodbye, maybe.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sounds seep through, of your voice, your laugh. your eyes linger on the stare.
you cry. your tears on my fingers, my heart skip's a beat.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
she's gone.
never to return. death consumes. every second seems longer.
she's gone.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
how can i make it better? how can i stop these tears, from your eyes and mine?
should i stay or should i go?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sweet love, sweet sorrow, sweet nothing.

nothing..

nothing.

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Rain Rain come again

Its raining now, heavy and light...lightening and thunder crack the walls of the sky.

This rain is much calmer compared to the hail storm that Bangalore experienced on Sunday. Hard drops of ice and water. It was an honour to have been stuck in the middle of it all, inside a box, that we most often refer to as a car (nothing againt cars I might add!), with a good friend, who was scared to death of dying under a branch, that MIGHT fall on us!

I can never forget the sounds and the visuals of that day and the feeling of fear, joy and nevervouness all wrapped up into one gaint smile on our faces! We became children for that hour of the storm...and of all days the flight had to be schduled for that day. I couldn't stop worrying and praying that the flight be cancelled. But modern life has its way of winning too..she did take off and land safely, to my amazement and relief!

There were floods on the streets and headlights on at 3:00pm! Zero visibility and loud cracks of thunder and display of lightening! It almost felt like Mother Nature was chuckling to herself and throwing a party in the sky! The trees moved with the wind, drops danced along and made love to the world! How I wish I was a leaf! And how I wish I didnt need to be dry! :)

The storm was quick and passed in the same hurry it came through to us; left me like a child wanting more candy, more of that sweet and irresistible candy!

Now it rains some more, keeps me waiting for more...more for a day when I can run free under the sky...more for a day when I can have the chance to stand still under the fury of the rain...more for a day when I don't have to be at work!!

"There's a rush,
And I can't help but blush!
The rain leaves a scar,
No caste, no race, no bar!
The rain leaves a dream,
And that's Her evil scheme!
The rain touches and kisses,
And in our ear the wind hisses!
It rains, with drops seeping through our skin,
And I feel lost and found within!
Let it rain some more,
And these feelings will come again in galore!"
-2 April 2008
4:06pm

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Here we go again

Still and silent.
"The rain drips on, she cries on".
A storm raged on and danced through our weekend in our city. It was music to the ears and a lullaby for tired souls.

We wasted time, walking and talking. Enjoyed the drops in our silences.

Its amazing how a shower of such sorts can make you feel joy. The excitement is irreplacable. Hearts racing, eyes shimmering, surfaces filled with clear, clean drops from the heavens above.

"...lets waste time, chasing cars, around our heads...if i lay here, if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world.."

Moments pass us by, time pass us by. Words are all that remain and emptiness is all I feel.

"Come to me, open that door,
Let me love you,
Take one step forward,
I am here, waiting for this moment.."

I wish I could help...I wish I could turn back time.
I wish the memories were frozen into a photo frame and I could go back to them anytime I please.

"Dream some more little ones,
Remember some more,
Come back here some more,
And we'll tangle our thoughts into one big world."

Thursday, 6 March 2008

you and me

hey you,

how have you been? is it warm there? are you well? have you met someone? someone other than me and her?

will you ever see me as the girl you would be with, grow old with?

i miss you when i'm trying to fall asleep, its harder now. after spending those nights in your arms, sleeping in your arms, it has become harder to fall asleep now. i wish we would be together at all times. i wish we didn't need to work. i wish it could be this simple, just you and me and our world.

hope you are well. hope you think of me. i think of you, almost everyday. i have tried to move on, but sometimes i think, why the f*** should i. might as well hope. but then again, its not the same on all days. you are gone and i'm wishing you were here. i have no idea what i would have said or done. but you would be near and that would have been different, easier maybe. then again, your thoughts haunt me and i feel foolish.

most of the time i make no sense when it comes to you. and i don't have the courage to tel you, again, that i love you. but i will. i have to. you have to know. i have to be able to give "us" a chance. even if you don't want me to.

we don't have a song...

i wish you could see the night sky from my window.
its purple sometimes.. your favourite colour.

love,
me

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

chat

this is a chat from 2007, august. the boys that both of us a referring to have turned out to be IDIOTS! but isn't this a cute chat?? :)

16:18 Lu: he is committing suicide of our relationship

our

me: he s dying or the relationship?

16:19Lu: he is murdering the relationship

me: ahhh

wat he say?

Lu: he depressed it seems

16:20me: :)

tel him to screw himself

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

13:23me: should change ur pic too

Lu: y

13:24me: why not

13:25Lu: podi

me: u podi
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

11:48me: did u sleep?

11:52Lu: no

11:55me: why not?

Lu: wait

11:56me: waiting

Lu: busy man wait
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

23:01me: its a question

wait

he kissed me

on the cheek

Lu: wat the fuck

oh ok

i was just gonna

me: ya

Lu: ask if you kissed him back

me: so cutely

Lu: lol

how cutely

23:02me: cos i have fever..take care and kissed me

:)

Lu: awwww

23:06 me: i know..

so cute

Lu: hmmm

:)

me: i asked wat do u do when the hope tht was floating drowns

Lu: you just build another one to float

23:07me: hmm..

wat if its all drowned

Lu: thats the beauty of hope

you can always generate new

not only renew it

but create more

23:08me: hmm

anyway

why u got pissed when i said he kissed me

Lu: i dint

i was excited

wrong emotion

:)

23:09me: ohhhh

ok..

so how it is going

:)

------------------------------------------------>>>>>>>>>>> Sometimes the internet helps, talks and consoles.

chat

me: where ba
u disappeared only
good morning by the way
11:53 s*: hi ba mornin
hows your sunday?
me: good..
sleepy
11:54 but yea
urs?
11:55 s*: ok ba
me: wat u did?
11:56 everyone was asking for u

10 minutes
12:06 s*: shit yeah ba was so fed up with my phone was only gettin me in trouble so put it on silent n buried it in my bag.... suddenly at 2 in the morn woke up n realised i had no alarm cha sad then with eyes half closed went huntin for it... traumatic it was
12:07 went to st johns ba... some disastrous concert type thingy it was so bad tht it was funny
12:08 me: atleast u tripped on it right?
so it wrks out..
s*: yeah ba as a last resort it was either kill myself or be amused
:)
12:09 me: be amused is th choice i see..
s*: wht yu did?
me: :)
nothing, came home, watched tv, ate, dozed off on the sofa..woke up at 5
ran out, met some friends near home
ended up at ****
went home
12:10 extemely bored ba
and now i am so so so sleepy
s*: jus pass out on desk for a bit ba. it helps
me: i did already
:)

13:02 me: what do u call sants's helpers?
13:05 >santa's

9 minutes
13:14 s*: wht ba?
13:17 me: subordinate clauses! :)

27 minutes
13:45 s*: good one ba
13:46 me: :)
lunch?

39 minutes
14:25 s*: now am goin
14:26 me: wow..
very quick response i must say
:)
s*: hee hee was busy ba wht to do

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Poetry for thought

Title: slow

thoughts crash into me,
i bleed them and tease them,
her voice helps me through,
and the black rain kisses my soul.
on nights like these,
when silence can be heard,
when the black rain pours,
is when we see the dark side.
black rain blanket comforts,
it wounds,
it touches and leaves drops of kisses,
it tears and rips my skin open.
my body moves with her,
black rain like a knife on my skin,
one kiss past and she's gone,
just like that, she's gone.
i can't feel my feet, my body,
its harder to breathe now,
i can hear a whisper saying,
"Die my darlin', you look better in my memories"

-26/2/2008

Special thanks to S for the last line.

Friday, 15 February 2008

Friends

16/03/2007

A friend inspires...

"She strolled through the day thinking of a stranger. The thought of coming back to the monotonous office space to mail her brought a smile to her lips. Her body aching and her mind sick, she sat down to mail, to say good night. Just to say a simple good night.
The clock's ticking, she's dreadfully late. Though she is part of the working class, and her job demands late hours, she still had obligatory reasons to get home. Home?? She wonders. She forcefully stops her train of thought, which she decided to resume on the bumpy ride 'home'. She finishes her mail...her lips swollen with smiles. And her mind relaxed, she walks out into a busy world, where she's all alone.
Smiling, because, tomorrow, she'll enter this portal again to 'meet' her friend......"

Friday, 8 February 2008

Love Story

I bury my feet in the sand, draw a circle around myself and then decide to stay inside it. Then I walk away, far away, draw another circle around me and decide to stay inside it!

It never works, the sea calls to me, longs for my feet. So I walk, slowly, teasing the water. Slowly moving my toes, gesturing to be shy and then my feet. The water smiles and kisses the wind. My feet are happier now and free from the circle.

I stay there, watching the water slip through my toes and thrill my senses. I look ahead and I see, the ocean singing out to me. I close my eyes and I feel the sun. My skin draws in and shies away. My eyes close and I breathe some more. The sun whispers and smiles and keeps my skin occupied. My eyes dream and soar and the water moves through my feet.

My body moves, though I’m still.

We make love and the ocean screams.
We make love and I can’t breathe.
My skin tingles and heaves.
The water roars and rushes.

The current is stronger now, pulling me in, making me want more. My feet are numb and joyous.
The ocean moves faster and my insides feel weaker. Sprinkles of water on my face, I can feel the rush and hurry now. It’s just my feet in the water, but the ocean doesn’t tease. The waters force their way up to my knees. And I am half way there.

I can hear the wind in my ear. Soft kisses it leaves.
The world is empty now; it’s just me and the sea. It’s just us and the wind. It’s just us and the sun.

Ocean dreams fill up the void. We soar and roar together.
My body moves, though I’m still.
We don’t stop, its not over yet.
We still move as one. Hearts beating together.
Fingers of drops run through my hair, my neck and my back.

The sky closes in and sets the mood. It rains now, sweet drops, hard and fast drops.

I can feel the ocean now. Faster and faster and faster…

I can’t go on; erotism and fantasy merge and surge through my bones.
We don’t stop its not over yet.
We still move, I can’t go on, but we still move.
The winds don’t stop kissing my neck; the rain doesn’t stop searching my soul.
The ocean doesn’t stop and I can’t go on.

I jolt my eyes open and hesitantly walk backwards. my feet lingers, my toes are playful. I can’t move, I don’t want to leave. The rain slows down, the ocean moans. The wind caresses and my soul breathes. I don’t want to stop, I can’t go on.

I linger in the salty dream and step away slowly.
Dreams are all that remain.

I bury my feet in the sand, draw a circle around myself and then decide to stay inside it, try to stay inside it………..

-12:51pm

8/2/2008

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

You & Me


hey you,

i missed you. you were on my mind. can you see the sky? the sky in my eyes?
she is closer than before..and she can't seem to let go, neither can i..

our cravings still sway me..move me..and taunt me..

i wish you could stay beside me, while i try and fall asleep. i know it will be hard while your sweet scent haunts me...while your hand sweeps through my hair, my neck, my skin. i will try harder and harder to stay awake, but you will let me fall asleep. i know you will...

you will wake me again and kiss my neck...i know you will....

I wish you could see the night sky from my window.
Its purple sometimes.. your favourite colour.

love,
me

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Poetry for Thought



I have just returned from Gokarna. Gokarna does some good to my mind and soul. I return with a different view towards everything..
And I cannot seem to explain these feelings. The following is a glimpse into my thoughts. I will fill in more..when words are easy...

((untitled))

Blue skies and blue horizons,
Pearls of laughter and silence,
Our feets move while they stay,
Our minds merge while our lips are hushed.
People talk and smile,
Walks into the sky,
And dreams into our eyes,
City life seems unclear.
The water rushes back and forth,
Breaks my heart to know I'm far,
I can't see the sparks anymore,
City life seems unclear.
"Here we go again",
The end is near,
I miss the sea and the wind,
I miss them and our feet.
Close your eyes and we'll float some more,
Lets dream some more and soar some more,
All good things come to an end,
But, we'll be back again.

-5/2/2008
3:52pm

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Poetry for Thought

Title: Question Mark

The gum in my mouth is stale,
The teacher ahead is in slow motion.
Thoughts flow slowly,
And my phone's ringing with concern.
Friends far away,
Feels like everything has stopped.
Future, present and past are redolent,
Thoughts are constant and eternal.
People dying and screams in my head,
I can feel their hearts stop.
What is our purpose here,
What does our destiny hold?
Death and life are advertised here,
All that matters is getting to the grave.
Feels like an open wound,
Deep and being infested by insects.
These thoughts, these thoughts are
All that remain.
Questions unanswered, answers unquestioned,
What is our purpose here?
Are we the saviours of our world,
Or the destroyers?

-15/2/2007

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

Hallelujah

"well, maybe there's a god above
but all i've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah" (complete lyrics) (Wikipedia) (YouTube-OC)

This is my current addiction. This song is so well written, well sung and just brings so many emotions to surge through.

So love life is going at a pace I don't understand.
Interesting/unusual things keep happening with friends. Never make plans early. It will fall apart! :)

I think I am losing control again.

Its nice to be on the other side as well. When someone craves for you first, persues you. And then you fall, fall flat on the face.
Its nice. I have certainly not been on this side. And I can see how I make someone else feel now!

New friends, new souls.
New joys, new wounds.
But the past still haunts and taunts.
Teases and drags.
It never ends sometimes.
And this eternity is unwanted!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

So the sky screamed a little,
And wailed a little.
My heart skipped a beat,
And jumped a little.
Are you here,
Are you near?
It rains, it rains, it pours,
It gives joy and brings tears.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, 19 January 2008

Poetry for Thought

Continued from the below post..

Title: Dream


Maybe this thought will never end,
This thought of me under your skin.
This dream of our tangled feet,
Our merging souls.
This thought of eternity in this moment,
This secert affair in our minds.
Maybe it is meant to be just this,
Meant for it to be unreal, yet so real.
The ocean dreams fill up the void,
Maybe this thought will never end..

I wish for this to be real,
I wish for this to have a name.
Our kisses seep through my skin,
Maybe this thought will never end.
Kiss me again and again,
You pull me in and then drag me out.
Sweet carresses in my mind,
Its time to go again, time to leave.
All this seems to be a journey,
Let me find you, let me hold you...

It has come again, the time to leave,
I am left with the scent of your skin.
I am left with thoughts of your soul,
Maybe this thought will never end.
Close your eyes and dream a little,
Dream my dream a little.
Let all collide, burn and end,
Lets be here, today, now.
Maybe this thought will never end,
The thought of me under your skin.

-19/1/2008
12:03pm

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Figments

Maybe this thought will never end,
This thought of me under your skin.
This dream of our tangled feet,
Our merging souls.
This thought of eternity in this moment,
This secert affair in our minds.
Maybe it is meant to be just this,
Meant for it to be unreal, yet so real.
The ocean dreams fill up the void,
Maybe this thought will never end..

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

I have nothing much to say. Above are the first few lines to a much longer poem.

Days feel so empty and I feel lost.
I feel tired. I am angry. Irritated. Happy. And so many more all at once.
Its a jungle of emotions in my head. And I just want to curl up in bed for eternity. And sleep.
I don't want to be sleepy and not sleep.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

She loves me. The look in her eyes is to die for. She lights up sometimes. And its a sight to see.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

i want to go, far, far away,
get lost a little,
and find a lot more.
dream a little,
and live them a lot more.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

And here it comes again,
The end, like always.

Discover a little more,
And be fasinated.
It helps,
It calms.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

:*

Monday, 7 January 2008

Music

KT TUNSTALL-THROW ME A ROPE (video)

I want you between me and the feeling I get when I miss you
But everything here is telling me I should be fine
So why is it so, above as below,
That I'm missing you every time

I got used to you whispering things to me into the evening
We followed the sun and its colours and left this world
It seems to me that I'm definitely
Hearing the best that I've heard

So throw me a rope to hold me in place
Show me a clock for counting my days down
Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

And whenever you go it's like holding my breath underwater
I have to admit that I kind of like it when I do
Oh but I've got to be unconditionally
Unafraid of my days without you

So throw me a rope to hold me in place
Show me a clock for counting my days down
Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Whenever I'm falling you're always behind me
Come back and find me
Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

Thursday, 3 January 2008

Poetry for Thought

Title: New Year

Its another year,
"Oh dear, Oh dear!",
Said the children near.

The skies are lit,
And the children didn't sit,
It was like a King's fit!

The time has come,
"Please don't use a gun",
We all have a part of the sun!

The time has come,
Lady screamed at the children, "Don't pick up the crumbs!",
None heard the scream, expect some!

The lady had been drinking some gin,
And the children had a race to win,
And now we sing to new year born, "Let the blahs begin!"

-3/1/08
10:54am

Interesting poem don't you think?!

Inspired by: "The Walrus and the Carpenter", by Lewis Carroll and The Stygian Sailor's comment on this blog, author of "KAFKA cafe"

Wednesday, 2 January 2008

2007-2008

Sparks up above, time stops for a few seconds.
And I was there alone. No one to hug, expect acquaintances.
An experience to be remembered.

^^^^^^

I have new found respect for bartenders, waiters and the food and beverage department in general.

^^^^^^

It has recently come to my notice that I have a bad habit of distancing myself. I can see it in their eyes. They almost hate me. But please understand, they are all I have.
But I can see it, I can see so much..

^^^^^^

Lost many, found some more,
Years end and journeys too.
People gone, people found,
Ah 2008, you are finally here.

^^^^^^

Its all a blank..

^^^^^^

I have nothing to say.

^^^^^^

Happy new year, I wish you a great year. I wish you the best.
Close your eyes and make a plan, it will happen.

^^^^^^

When you are alone, click your way here, let me give you company.

^^^^^^

I have known him for so long, his name, his class, his section, his teachers.
But now he says he has to leave this city. I can't seem to understand why.
And all I knew of him was that. Those childish details. He taught me how be good at bowling.

I hardly know him, but I have known him for over 5 years.

^^^^^^

KaTe was here.
She is a whiff of fresh air, I have missed her so.
She seemed upset though, she denies this, but she did seem upset.
I miss her.

^^^^^^

:) days go by,
Blog gets longer.
Come back soon,
I'll have more to say!

^^^^^^

I don't care, these souls suffice, the thoughts and memories suffice..
You suffice, your interest in these words suffice, though I don't know what you are, could be or were ...your love, your thoughts, your dreams, tangled in mine suffice...


^^^^^^