poerty for thought

title: that feeling

suddenly i see that i have lost you,
or probably i have lost the idea of you,
and now you have nothing to say to me anymore,
you wonder how you would say anything,
how you would pack all the things you haven't said yet,
how to have a conversation again,
how to smile and nod at irrelevant information about my day.
when did it become about serious, relevant things,
didn't we always find things to laugh about,
talk about, tell each other our experiences with sex,
with love, with lust, with hate, with dreams,
and now, i long for a newsfeed,
a tinkle in my blackberry to notify an email,
but those things have become hope.
but you say you can’t say,
you say you're bursting with things to say,
but you haven't yet,
you don't, and suddenly i feel
you aren't near me anymore,
you don’t hear anymore,
and i don't hear you anymore.
and suddenly the ground under me has been
dragged away, and i didn’t even know,
and i am left with a hope,
but i am also left with confidence
that we can never fix this,
this black hole that 'we" are in,
the uncomfortable silences is all we have now,
...suddenly i see i have lost you.

new, maybe

heart break season it seems to be.
it rains. drizzles. green.
clock ticks.
time stops.
the room stays still.
looks the same, smells the same.
yet everything is different.
not new, but different.
feels like the blood from the body is slowly being drained.
drained.
mind slips away.
another day, not new, but different.
its all the same, but the heart feels heavier.
forgotten the way out.
just a routine, just a moment, just..

you and me.
me and you.
what do we do?

update

updates have been slow. considering i am in detention at office, opening any blog page seems an utter waste.

i learnt a new game in time i was away, thanks to ben and aj for teaching us and smita for taking me along.
name of game: unknown, however, ben and aj call it 5, 10, 15, 20. which is literally the whole game in the name. fun times.

i was a s*'s "little lamb" for yesterday. thanks to lu, we now know a place where smoking is as legal as it can be. thanks lu.

its all a stand still.
the longest pause on a song you have never heard, eager to hear, but it has been paused.
pause, pause, pause...

musically torn,
mentally drained,
physically useless,
i have successfully lost myself in all the mess.

my room is no more my life. this new room doesn't console or council me anymore.
sleepless, sleepless and disturbed.

but, if you ask me what's wrong, i can't give you an answer.
i just can't. there is nothing monumentally going wrong in my life at all.
nothing is happening.

maybe that's the problem.

dreams surface, soar and die in minutes.

"....this too shall pass..", hopefully.

thanks to all the people who are still around. thanks for laughing, talking, being silent, dancing, drinking, smiling :)

these are the people who have kept me going, in their own little ways. thank you for that :)

Sunday Scibblings: Solace

"To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry,
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do", Snow Patrol, Run
----------------------------
need closure, need solace.
need you to be near,
need us to be.

what is it that holds us together?
come into my arms,
maybe this would be that solace you seek.
and maybe i'll be one with your soul,
for mine is weak.
-----------------------------------------
i need your strength,
i need your hope,
i need your happiness,
sprinkle some of those on me.
--------------------------------------------------------
console me,
look at me and say it will all be fine
make me feel safe,
kiss me and tell me that you will be back.

these are just words,
you are gone.
never to return.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

moving and the rain affair

i woke up to the most beautiful weather that bangalore can offer.
its the monsoons again, and i am loving it!

i woke up to the pitter patter of rain and realized that i love my room too much. i have spent a good 8 years of my life here, the part which i actually remember. new new things in the room since the first year, but the room has been my shrine.

the view is absolutely amazing and i could have night or day by just moving the curtains. however, i did loose that advantage a year or so ago, due to termite (or they could have been aliens) attack (and my rage that those b*&%#@$s were there; so i broke the wood thingy holding the curtain and left it in my back yard). these termites made a noise, a really loud noise that kept me awake on most nights, so that explains the rage.

it is so sad that i will be moving, i will miss my shrine. my room.

rain is the best weather in the world. makes me exceptionally happy. and content. and dreamy. and in love. most of all in love with that sound, that feeling of drops on my skin. just in love with the rain.

however, i would like to be outside, wasting time, dreaming and smiling to myself instead of being at work. but that, like you can see, has not happened yet. i am at work, typing into my blog (which is also better than work, so i am smiling).

i don't want to move. i mean i want to have my own place and all, of course i do. but if i ever go to visit family i want it to be this house, not the one i have to move to now.

i have had my secret affairs with the rain in this house, when all were asleep. i will miss sneaking up to the terrace and stealing a few dances and kisses from the sky.

how i wish time would stop; not go back, but just stop. i wouldn't mind typing this over and over again.