Poetry for thought

Title: Reality

I am feeling sexual today,

Also angry,

Also sad,

And mostly confused.

I want to smell your sweat,

Dripping off my forehead,

While I find that spot

Under your left breast.                           

I want to unravel this,

Erase all memory of us,

While I slowly break down

Into this pool of angry mess.

Tears well up,

Crawl through my fingertips,

While I try to find a breath

And fail.

The imagination of your left breast,

Thoughts of our tangled feet,

While I slowly wipe away the reality

Off my forehead…

Wait,

Which is real?

The anger? The tears?

The sweat that appears suddenly

On my palms,

Which is real?

I hold my face in my hands,

Not just hold, but grip,

Which is real?

And I try to grab the imagination

To blend it with this sad and angry reality.

Forms merge, order becomes chaos,

Chaos becomes breathing,

Breathing.

Breathing.

Breathing.

Is it me? Is it you?

Chaos, calm,

Earth shattering,

And then.

The shush.

Flashes of my hands shaking,

My lips searching,

My anger brewing,

Eyes closing, sunlight burning,

Moonlight calming.

Flashes, flashes,

Lines blur,

Breathing.

Breathing.

In. out. In. out.

Stay still, maybe now we’ll know

Which is real.

Disconnect

I kept looking at that picture,

Might have looked at it too many times.

I have stopped now,

But it comes raging back.

As memories sometimes,

And other times as a hope for the future.

Maybe we will have more pictures,

Maybe we won’t take pictures at all.

Was it a declaration of love

Or a social obligation?

How does one disconnect in this connected world?

Poetry

Ttile: drug induced

Sleep induced,
Dreamless anticipation.
Windmill spies,
Staring at you, watching.
Music pulling, pushing,
Spies still watching.
Windmill spies,
Drooling at your anticipation.
Wanting your emotions,
Wanting you to give in.
Spies planting seeds,
Waiting for your mind to grow.
Dreamless sleep introduced,
So the seed may grow.
It's a plot, for something bigger,
Windmill spies taking over.
Feeding you lies,
Telling you stories.
Making you want more,
Think more, feel more.
Feeding you hopes,
Making to crawl and beg.
Sleep induced,
Dreamless anticipation.
Windmill spies,
Still staring and watching.

you and me

hey you,

how are you? its been a while..hope all is good at your end.
i miss you so very much. suddenly feel so very lost.
i never was as close as want/ed to be, yet i feel so very lost without you.
without your whispers, without you.

there was a hail storm today. and i thought of you, it was a purple sky at the storm's end.

how is she? and is he planning to be married soon?
are you.....?

i want to hug you. hold you for a while.
kiss your neck, your lips.

you are there and i am here.

have you heard this song? i can't stop playing it over and over again...
"and i can barely look at you, and every single time i do, i know that i can make it any where away from here"

do you ever think of me? am i just a moment that has already passed you by?

i miss you.
i really do.
"to think i might not see those eyes, makes it so hard not to cry, and as we say our long goodbyes, i nearly do"

i did. the day you said you were leaving i did. i did when u held me.
i did when you spoke to me, i do.. i sometimes still do..

i do miss you. i know i have already said it. but saying it over and over might make you listen...maybe.

do you even listen to me? most of the time i am just a background score.
just a passing moment.

i wish you could see the night sky from my window.
its purple sometimes.. your favourite colour.

love,
me

new, maybe

heart break season it seems to be.
it rains. drizzles. green.
clock ticks.
time stops.
the room stays still.
looks the same, smells the same.
yet everything is different.
not new, but different.
feels like the blood from the body is slowly being drained.
drained.
mind slips away.
another day, not new, but different.
its all the same, but the heart feels heavier.
forgotten the way out.
just a routine, just a moment, just..

you and me.
me and you.
what do we do?

thoughts

smell of stale cigarettes,
a tooth ache that kills,
puddles of water at my feet,
clouds moving slowly,
every colour seems brighter,
even black.

birds drying their feathers,
unrecorded thoughts,
slow breathes, deep breathes,
tooth ache still alive,
sounds of water exiting a building,
the after glow of rain,
stillness of trees,
echos of silence.

i am thinking of secrets,
of whispers in someone's ear,
of kisses in between,
of a smile and the successive blush.
....a pause to remember,
to feel the rain,
a kiss to remember, a touch to cherish.
sounds to hear,
music to make,
sights that could bring tears.
rain brings joy,
it brings everything.

rain. bliss.

-18 may 09

psy-ko/bizzare

things to do when you are in a psy-ko-tic/bizzare mood:

*stare at facebook, gtalk, gmail, orkut, twitter etc.

*go through wall posts that are a year older than today's date

*write on people's walls who are just a phone call away

*write loser on these people's walls

*write irrelevant things on people's walls

*chat with person sitting next to you, on gtalk

*change status messages on facebook and gtalk

*bring the BAR to bar-ista

*try chatting in funny accents with people, of course it makes no difference considering someone is reading them and not listening to you, but do it nonetheless

*hyphenate words for no reason whatsoever

*hyphenate words for dramatic teenage tone and pause implications

*apostrophe words for no reason whatsoever

*apostrophe words for dramatic pronounciation implications

*apostrophe OR hyphenate words for dramatic accent implications

*wake up early and do nothing

*google search bizzare, you will be amazed with the search results, or not

*google search psy-ko-tic, you will be amazed with the search results, or not

*don't click on any of the results of the above searches

*talk to yourself, really loudly

*laugh. just laugh my ma'n!

*play the piano, an imaginary one

*sing "i'm co-lour blind, i jhust caaan't deny zis pheelinggg"

*sing other songs with thick indian accents

*ask the auto driver if you can drive. if he says no, ask him again. if you still receive a no as an answer, get off and don't pay the ma'n!

*just be bizzare

*just be psy-ko-tic

*

*

*

*

*

its time

the summer is taking a break today. cloudy skies envelope our little world.

the winds carry songs and laughter. the rain is coming. a little surprise for our heated bodies.
a well appreciated surprise. who cares what tomorrow is going to feel like.

today it will rain. if not, these winds and clouds soothe the heart.

i love the rains and all that it brings along!

"come into my arms,
let me hold you for eternity.
drops, drops, drops......come,
its time....i have missed you."

its been a while

life stands still,
lights go by slowly,
the wind rushes through my hair,
tears seep through my skin.
faces tear me apart,
no smiles to smile,
no words to speak,
its all a blur.
stuck like an old record,
not moving,
just stuck,
time stops.

tick. tick. ti

it all stops..

songs that take you back in time

Sail Away-David Gray

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times Ive tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Ive been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Sunday Scribblings: Do I have to?

do i have to be here?
do i have to be alone?
of course not, i could choose otherwise. we would all choose otherwise.
and that's what i try to do everyday, to choose otherwise.

do i have to call her?
do i have to call him?

not really, but i do. because i choose otherwise.

i made a fool of myself the other day, do i have to be upset? :) i was for sometime, now it really doesn't matter.

do i have to kiss you?
do i have to love you?
do i have to miss you?
do i have to want you, need you?

of course i do..

Jean-Luc Godard - "To be or not to be. That's not really a question."

moving and the rain affair

i woke up to the most beautiful weather that bangalore can offer.
its the monsoons again, and i am loving it!

i woke up to the pitter patter of rain and realized that i love my room too much. i have spent a good 8 years of my life here, the part which i actually remember. new new things in the room since the first year, but the room has been my shrine.

the view is absolutely amazing and i could have night or day by just moving the curtains. however, i did loose that advantage a year or so ago, due to termite (or they could have been aliens) attack (and my rage that those b*&%#@$s were there; so i broke the wood thingy holding the curtain and left it in my back yard). these termites made a noise, a really loud noise that kept me awake on most nights, so that explains the rage.

it is so sad that i will be moving, i will miss my shrine. my room.

rain is the best weather in the world. makes me exceptionally happy. and content. and dreamy. and in love. most of all in love with that sound, that feeling of drops on my skin. just in love with the rain.

however, i would like to be outside, wasting time, dreaming and smiling to myself instead of being at work. but that, like you can see, has not happened yet. i am at work, typing into my blog (which is also better than work, so i am smiling).

i don't want to move. i mean i want to have my own place and all, of course i do. but if i ever go to visit family i want it to be this house, not the one i have to move to now.

i have had my secret affairs with the rain in this house, when all were asleep. i will miss sneaking up to the terrace and stealing a few dances and kisses from the sky.

how i wish time would stop; not go back, but just stop. i wouldn't mind typing this over and over again.

Here and There

i just felt like i needed another blog, to write more..with different colours..
so click here if you feel like reading.


also planning to start following the sunday scribble as well..

new beginnings... :)

"start something new"

The rain affair

Its raining storm here, in Bangalore!
Hail storm, droplets of solid ice; a sight to remember!

We stayed on the roof, until it started to pour, dragging and cherishing on the last taste of a rainless sky. I smiled, picked up some ice, tried taking a picture.

Its windy outside, raining like crazy, I can hear the ice slap against everything in its way. Its loud and soothing...Stormy weather is here to stay!

Phone calls are unattended, the lines are down. My cell phone keeps ringing.

All I can think of right now is how much I am in love, in love with the rain, any kind of rain.
Of how much this makes me happy and satisfied, of how much my body and soul craves for this, of how much this leaves me wanting more, wanting for much more!

This is the love affiar I will always have, always keep.
The rain and me will last forever. This love will never seize to exist.
The scent, the touch, the fever, will always seem like the first kiss.

The rain will always leave me wanting for more, waiting for more, dreaming for more and screaming for more!

Thank you Sky, thank you rain, for loving me and letting me love you!

Thousand Kisses and More,
ME

Rain Rain come again

Its raining now, heavy and light...lightening and thunder crack the walls of the sky.

This rain is much calmer compared to the hail storm that Bangalore experienced on Sunday. Hard drops of ice and water. It was an honour to have been stuck in the middle of it all, inside a box, that we most often refer to as a car (nothing againt cars I might add!), with a good friend, who was scared to death of dying under a branch, that MIGHT fall on us!

I can never forget the sounds and the visuals of that day and the feeling of fear, joy and nevervouness all wrapped up into one gaint smile on our faces! We became children for that hour of the storm...and of all days the flight had to be schduled for that day. I couldn't stop worrying and praying that the flight be cancelled. But modern life has its way of winning too..she did take off and land safely, to my amazement and relief!

There were floods on the streets and headlights on at 3:00pm! Zero visibility and loud cracks of thunder and display of lightening! It almost felt like Mother Nature was chuckling to herself and throwing a party in the sky! The trees moved with the wind, drops danced along and made love to the world! How I wish I was a leaf! And how I wish I didnt need to be dry! :)

The storm was quick and passed in the same hurry it came through to us; left me like a child wanting more candy, more of that sweet and irresistible candy!

Now it rains some more, keeps me waiting for more...more for a day when I can run free under the sky...more for a day when I can have the chance to stand still under the fury of the rain...more for a day when I don't have to be at work!!

"There's a rush,
And I can't help but blush!
The rain leaves a scar,
No caste, no race, no bar!
The rain leaves a dream,
And that's Her evil scheme!
The rain touches and kisses,
And in our ear the wind hisses!
It rains, with drops seeping through our skin,
And I feel lost and found within!
Let it rain some more,
And these feelings will come again in galore!"
-2 April 2008
4:06pm

Poetry for thought

Title: slow

thoughts crash into me,
i bleed them and tease them,
her voice helps me through,
and the black rain kisses my soul.
on nights like these,
when silence can be heard,
when the black rain pours,
is when we see the dark side.
black rain blanket comforts,
it wounds,
it touches and leaves drops of kisses,
it tears and rips my skin open.
my body moves with her,
black rain like a knife on my skin,
one kiss past and she's gone,
just like that, she's gone.
i can't feel my feet, my body,
its harder to breathe now,
i can hear a whisper saying,
"Die my darlin', you look better in my memories"

-26/2/2008

Special thanks to S for the last line.

Experience The Rain

Ok. Its been so long since I blogged. ((Considering my posts were very regular, with day to day updates)). I actually miss this, typing the most random words, knowing I'm not going to win the "award for the Best Blog" and words which only a hand full care enough to read. Yet, its still something I enjoy to an extent. Its nice to be lost in cyber space! Rather than in real life!

So, how has everyone been? Good? Health's good? Did you guys enjoy the rain?? I did!
I stood under the mad shower on Friday, for an hour. An hour of perfection! This fever I have come down with is the most pleasurable sickness!! This nose block, the throat which has gone from worse to WORST, is actually delightful! OK the throat problem has been lingering around for months now, so that is the only real pain I feel!

Anyway, yes I am OBSESSED with rain!

That Friday was the most emotional I have got with Mother Rain. I cried, tears of joy! Then tears of pain, for the comfort She gave me. Like a mother holding her baby in her arms, Mother Rain held me. In all the times that I have stood under the protection of the dark skies, this was the most over whelming. Life has become so hard now. No, no, nothing to worry. Just emotionally. And yes some parts of life are upside down. But nothing like being in the protective arms of Mother Rain to make you feel better.

It is the best form of therapy, I believe. Try it my darlings, for it will be the most blissful experience. Yes, Shar-Bear, She is an experience!!!!

French kiss........

Paris Under The Dark Skies..

Rain. Her music. Her love. Her pain. The life. The joy. The dreams. The Drops.

Rain. It finally rained. The moments were like heaven. The smell of the earth mixed with the smell of jasmine flowers.
I sat at home, by the open door, listening to thunder and blinded by lightening. April showers, that's what the newspaper calls this, had me in a trance. The rain stopped, but lightening and thunder became stronger.
I wondered why, why is it that majority of people associate rain with all things sad. How is it possible? Ok, now you might turn around and say it is a matter of choice, of how each one perceives things. But, I still ask the question, how can rain be depressing??

Rain, the drops, the sound, the mood, the colours in the sky, the life, the joy, the pain, the emotions, the darkness, MUSIC.......it is everything. But it is not sad.

Though the rain could be fearsome sometimes. She is still the Mother. Our Mother. Mothers have their moments of rage, we need to understand that. She too, gets frustrated with our never ending demands.

Anyway, yesterday She spoke to me. She told me stories about places far and wide. Of places I wanted to visit some day. She invoked my spirit and gave me comfort, made me smile.
I wish it would rain all the time. To keep me safe in her arms. To talk to me all night. To keep me company.
I love you Rain. Why doesn't it rain all the time???