It’s amazing how a song can make you feel so much. So many sounds, so many smells just come surging back. It has not been easy. These days. These moments. These memories. These questions. And it isn’t just one question. It is so many. How does one over come something that tears every cell in one’s body?
How do you just not feel anything? As if all is lost and the pieces left behind will never ever be part of that big puzzle it used be. Just pieces now. Broken. Spilt across the world. Across all the dreams and wishes. Life takes over. And I always say that. And the suffering will end. And the pain will become another personality. How do you survive the world without that light?
I have become safe. Risk isn’t a part of my dictionary anymore. How will I explain to my family? How will I be able to afford it? Will I be able to do it? Confidence, self reliance, independence, happiness, surety, safety, laughter, content…where are these words now? Where is that girl? I heard a song the other day. Which said the same thing, where is that girl, have you seen her lately?
Writing has become a task. And I don’t mean poetry. Even this. I know I have so much to say. But when I start to write it’s like lightening. So fast in my head. So whatever these fingers can grab, here..take it.
What if I fall and hurt myself
Would you know how to fix me?
What if I went and lost myself
Would you know where to find me?
If forgot who I am
Would you please remind me?
Oh, 'cause without you, things go hazy.
These lines say a lot more than what I have tried to say.