When you held my hand, the nerves calmed down. Everyone, including you think I know what I want; I am cool, composed; sure and definitely not nervous. This may be true for most situations; but I cannot possibly keep the act going on forever. Sometimes one needs to balance the situation without breaking the unbelievable rare moment that is presenting itself; otherwise we’ll lose it. And here was this moment and I wasn’t ready to let it go; because you might have, we might have; someone had to hold on. When the impulsive, sure, risk taking side of me takes over the nervous side takes a back seat and panics. And like an annoying friend on a road trip, it keeps asking me “Are we there yet? I told you not to take this route. Now we’re lost! What are we going to do now?” I try to focus on you and forget that I am nervous. But when you held my hand; when our skin touched it felt alright. I smile; almost feeling like this is way too perfect to be true. Nervous? Who cares; I just need you to hold on to my hand a little longer.
We giggle, laugh and make each other smile. And in the silence that follows, the nervous passenger takes over, tugging on me to leave, to walk away. And you hold on to me. And it feels alright, just for now. Tomorrow, I may not have the strength to hold on. The night slips out of our skin and our almost whispered I Love Yous. Could tomorrow have a waited a little longer?
And today I try; but you push me away, I look away; I push you away. This feels like I found you and lost you in seconds; in those seconds our skin touched. I look around me and life over flows; in the middle of all the mess which one of us is going to hold on now? Which one of us is going to find the other…again?