The birthday ended with a good+bad+surprising+unusual phone call.
Forcefully, intentionally hidden memories are back. Feelings are back. The words "i love you" are here. Remorse and joy are here now.
The time has come, the time has come to make the choice of a lifetime. To relive moments of bliss. The thought seems beautiful, but do I want it?!
I do. I've missed it. Craved for it. WANTED it.
I don't. The pain is too much to ignore and move on. Second chances are over. Too many have been issued. They aren't tickets to cheap plays anymore. I have goals set, dreams to chase, learnt to live without these emotions.
I've changed too much. Changing, as we speak. Altering perceptions, altering dreams.
I cant let it come back. I've worked too hard to get to where I am.
Too many nights of tears, too many drunken escapades into memory lane.
It has taken me so long to get here, this state of confidence and poise and stability.
Too many thoughts have found their way back.
I refuse to be hurt again and again and again.
Too many people have trampled all over me. I can't let it happen again!
I am assured it won't, but memories return.
Yet, I want it, I've always wanted it!
Its still hard to believe this, this situation.
Is it real?
Did I talk to the person I've been trying to forget?!
It is a pleasant surprise though.
I'm glad that we are talking now.
Every memory, every word seems fresh and new!
All I can hope for is a happy ending, unlike the last time.