Yesterday was a boring day. Nothing seems to fill up this void.
I hate being still, there has to be some form of thought or activity happening with me.
I keep telling myself that next month, I will go and enroll myself into the all famous Salsa classes, and I will religiously dance! But that next month hasn't come around the corner. I think I will wait until they add the 13th month-Next Month. ((nods proudly))
Then I tell myself "No! First I have to read those books that are dying in my shelf!", and on some good days I go home and actually read. Then it gradually slows down and back to square one! I'm not lazy, let me make that clear. Its just I don't have that mind set at the moment to read. When you read, those words, those emotions should become a part of you, otherwise its just bad reading. And I'm not one of those! I still remember Enid Blyton's books, I remember the story and the vivid pictures my mind had formed, I can still hear her words in my head. That is good reading! When you can never forget, even if you forget the names of the characters, and the chapter wise explanations, you will always remember the pictures you formed.
So, these are 2 plans that have completely failed! Disgrace!
When the world you come to know falls apart, you try to rebuild it, first from your individual self. Then with the people around. And I am trying to control, manipulate this tiny little heart of mine. And the above 2 disastrous ideas are a way to distract myself! But its not working so, I'm left with counseling myself into better days.
And a thousand attempts a day to form a perfect blend to let you, the reader, and me, the writer, FEEL the story in my words. Form pictures, imagine the colours of my days and nights. The same words that define me and everything I feel, but words don't come easily. And my endeavour in writing helps me in filling the voids. But its hard when the words can't explain. Writing has become hard, expression has become hard. Every word counts and my words fail me!
So everyday is another burden. *sigh*
Poetry for Thought
Title: 'If only you were'
"If my arms could reach out to you,
I'd never have to wait to be with you.
If we weren't strangers,
We would melodically combine.
If you knew that I am torn,
You could understand why I need comfort.
If I was there, and you were near,
We would remain in love.
If you were real, you would hold me,
And whisper "I love you. Its all going to be alright."
As if to declare that
Love is all we need.
I would wait for eternity,
To nestle into your arms.
To feel no pain, to feel like this is
the moment I can die happy, for I am loved by you.
If only we weren't strangers,
If only you were real."
-28th September 2007
Tip: Distraction is good...when there is something to be distracted with.
Yesterday was a boring day. Usual traffic and empytiness.
I finally decied that it was time to go home, sat myself comfortably in a autoickshaw, and watched the world go by.
As I waited for the red to go green at the signal, a little girl came up to me, with those colourful & cheap earbuds. Atleast they aren't begging and selling things that shouldn't be sold.
I smiled and nodded to her, indicating that I did not want to buy.
She didn't tug at my leg, she didn't go on whining, like most others, she just lay her fragile head on the seat, with her hand held out with a packet of earbuds. She didn't do anything but that, just stayed there. I couldn't help but smile, and pulled out a nice shiny 5 Rupee coin and touched her head to get her attention. She looked up, took the money from my hand and handed out the packet to me, I still nodded and said no, while gesturing that she should keep the money. She frowned at me, and forced me for 2 seconds, then just out of anger and pride threw it on my lap and walked away. A few mins of joy at that signal, and I couldn't help cry and smile at the same time.
Patience is a virtue.
Tip: Next time you want something, just stay there and fight until you get it. It isn't hard.