Days have gone by, and it is April already. Monotony surges through like a water fall. Too many things are being said which wound my confidence. Why don't people trust me anymore??
Seems like everything is going to disappear soon, leaving me to watch and scream in agony.
I feel like a spectator and not as the actor. I want to be the "doer". Not the "watcher".
New friends consume my thoughts. Yes. Life is better now, than before. Atleast parts of it. These new additions of life bring joy in truck loads. Makes me smile. Smile through all the monotony.
Spectator. Suddenly that's what I've become. Just a spectator. Though so much has changed, improved, brought joy. Yet I'm blamed, accused, underestimated!
Underestimation is something I despise. Everyone who truly knows me knows that I HATE being underestimated. I know what I'm capable of, and i make sure everyone does. I do not know how to boast!
I have become support systems for many. But who is mine?? They do exist. But do they really form my support system? Half the time I'm accused of MAKING myself miserable. OK, lets say I am. So what??? Can't I ask for a shoulder to lean on? Is that so wrong??????
Anyway back to calm thoughts of my monotonous life. Anger comes and goes like seasons nowadays. Its all because of them. Short temper has returned because of them. *sigh* I think its good. Nobody can take advantage of me now. *sigh* I am more stern and precise about my expectations from people. I have to be. Else I am treated like a child. A child whose chocolate they can steal. No! No one can steal anything from me now! No one!
Old flames return. Where did all these men disappear? Old friendships have taken new roles. Hmm, it seems to all make sense, yet make no sense!